“Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision."

I constantly find myself going back to this summer when everything was bliss. I can't help my pathetic desperation wanting to go back to a time where everything was right. You can't blame me. Once school was back in session, it only reminded me of the reality of growing up, expectations, and responsibility. It's scary! I recently self-diagnosed myself with Peter Pan Syndrome.

You're only young, adventurous, and careless for so long. We're never going to experience things the same.

I know, I know. I shouldn't be looking into a dark place but sometimes it gives me a reminder to keep going. It's almost been a year since my crisis with where I was going in life. The uncertainty, despair, and loneliness was at its all time high. I was just so unhappy with what I was doing and felt so out of place. I even reached the point where I wanted to drop out of university. I was so desperate for a way out.

Despondency became appealing. I was so close to making up my mind to leave in hopes of the burdens disintegrating. I ached for the meaning of true freedom. 

I was tired of my false expectations and became sick thinking about what others wanted from me.

You want to know the worse part?

I did everything to myself.
No one forced me to do anything.
Since when did I succumb to what others wanted from me?
I've always known what I wanted in life.
It never changed.
I did.

I lost the will to fight and to be fearless.

-Fast Forward -

The recovery process was a bitch. I felt like I was going through some terrible heartbreak! *play Taylor Swift song here* You're probably reading this and thinking that I'm crazy. Well, I am. When you want a dream that badly and to lose sight of it, it hurts more than anything.

I would consider this my first heartbreak. (You're imagining a Forever Alone meme, aren't you)

Getting out of the slump wasn't easy. It requires a lot of laughing, which I didn't even know what that was at that point. jk

Taking into consideration that I never really go anywhere during the summer and this whole shenanigan of an experience was near the end of the school year, it was the perfect timing. It was the time where I yearned for adventure and something new. 

With life's crazy mysteries, this summer was filled with the unexpected.

 Accidentally snuck into the Dolphin Cove. Who knew you had to pay $30 just to watch them swim? Pshhhh, I can do that on Youtube.

My friend calls this one of my "StockPhoto" images. 

I think that means my photos are mundane. I'm slightly offended. 

He had a really cool blazer, okay? I decided to be a creeper and asked for a picture. No shame. 

Note: Look at his friends behind him and my cousin standing there.

So I was working all summer at a restaurant. Oh god. For all those who work in any type of customer service, I feel your pain. Just when you think people can't get anymore idiotic with sticks up their butts. The cherry-on-top was working near downtown and having cracked out people come in. Who needs MTV when you have IRL.

Before I get carried away, yes, I was working at the time. My friend contacted me five days prior to leaving to Boston asking me if I wanted to come. Of course, I said yes and dropped work! What's better than spontaneity?!

I did ask to take work off, which they were extremelyyyyy kind about. Then dealing with parents saying you're irresponsible, which leaves you to feeling like Mulan when her father called her a disgrace. Can you just imagine that voice? *shudders*

We don't have real train stations in Texas, so I'm oddly excited by public transportation. 

My bestfriend and I took a day trip to New York through the bus. We left around midnight and got there around 5AM. We got back to Boston that midnight. We're troopers. Ended up taking turns napping in Starbucks around 4PM since we were exhausted. Ugh, nomads.

By the time I came back, it was exactly one day before school started. I was at an all time high. First day of school? I loved everybody! The high lasted for a good two weeks and I returned to my normal "I hate everyone. Everyone is so annoying." attitude. Typical. 

- Rewind -

In the midst of summer, my friends and I decided to get together to do what we do best, dress up, roam around, and take photos. To think I almost forgot what this feels like! Absurd. 

Photos by: Thanh Ly

This summer was full of lessons. Some lessons that were difficult and many that (is it safe to say) changed my life. I've learned to become more patient, consistent, and a bit more stable. 

Never give up on your dreams. Never be afraid to take risks. 

I'm full of cheesiness right now, but these cliche life foundations are true. 

Please learn from me and don't make the same mistakes I did. It's time consuming, emotionally draining, and it's a waste of energy. Simple: Do what makes you happy. Achieve small goals everyday and let go of expectations. 

Take courage and believe that you can do it, because you can. No one ever said anything was going to be easy, but it can be if you do everything through love. 

I've got back-to-back exams/projects coming up. Sleep is for the weak.
May the odds ever be in your favor!

Until next time,
xoxo
Gossip Girl